Lovable Ferdie or Public Enemy #1 ??

The Pride of the Phillipines

June 2, 2009, 6pm at Alondra Park, the Muhfuggers will be going against the Poi Pounder's sister team, Up the Middle and it's all world outfielder and the pride of the Phillipines, Manong Ferdinand Karandang.

Muhfuggers should remember that Ferdinand helped the Muhfuggers lose their first game of the season. Ferdinand decided to help Mayhem by offering his services. Although his batting power may have been hampered using Muhfugger Brian's Kellough's wooden bat, his defense is what pissed off the Muhfuggers in that game.

"That sumbitch was snagging all our flyballs out there ... that dirty bested!!" said one Muhfugger player.

"He's a fag!! Playing for that team and never coming out to try paddling!! I hate him and his tight baseball shorts!!" said another unhappy Muhfugger player who is about 5 feet tall and with big breasts and who wants to remain anonymous.

Muhfugger pitcher and Pride of Mexico, Leeonel Pena, has the undaunted task of facing the pride of the Phillipines.

Ferdie is known best as the guy the (coed) Poi Pounders was trying to recruit for years. Ferdinand wanted to, but felt obligated to play for the SelOuts (now Up the Middle). After an undisclosed amount of money and promises of women that would adore him, love him and shower him with unspeakable pleasures...he finally gave in, donned the black and gold and played for the Poi boys. Eventually, he played for the coed Poi Pounders.

Ferdie is also known as the buff Filipino star that spends most of his pesos every year on the newest, top of the line bat(s) that are on the market. The happy-go-lucky person is a good source for trying out new bats without buying them.

Even if you are an opposing player, he will gladly let you use one of his bats. Well, after he unrolls that big bag of bats that resembles ammo adorning Rambo's upper torso.

Ferdie attending the motherland's favorite pastime - Cock Fighting

Whether Ferdie's team win or loses, Ferdie will still be adored by the Muhfuggers and the Poi Pounders. And he will definitely get to display why he is the pride of the Phillipines.

Tuesday night, the Muhfuggers will try to try to neutralize Jet Li look-a-like (and equally as dangerous) Ferdinand Karandang, in an epic battle. Please bring out your friends and family to this historic event. The Muhfuggers need all the cheers and help we can get to topple Ferdinand and his myriad of bats. Oh, and sometimes tight baseball pants.

Ceez

Muhfugger Spotlight - Aileen Aranda

Muhfugger Aileen Aranda

Muhfugger (real name): Aileen Aranda
Jersey Name (if we ordered jerseys): Ai bend over

Hometown: la la land, ca

Birthday: November 27, 1979

Favorite Positions (softball): right field. or is that left field?
Why do you play softball? : so i can wear my pretty purple and pink gear! Most memorable experience (softball or otherwise)? when i told my mom i wasn't a virgin anymore. man, that was a bad idea.
Favorite drink or beverage? unsweetened ice tea
What you do when not playing softball with the Muhfuggers? i save lives everyday.

Do you wear a cup for protection? 2 cups. to protect the twins.

What wood/bat do you swing? (bat type and size): my purple and pink bat! it's sooo pretty Do you finish with one hand or two? (swinging style) im not sure. i kind of don't remember because of the fear.

What is more important to you? The size of the bat or how one uses it? both. and im lucky lucky he's got both, right babe!?

Any injury from being struck by soft balls? Or ever been hit in the face by balls? yes, but it actually wasn't a ball. it was a lemon. my cousins and i were playing baseball with a stick and a lemon. i know, i know. we made due with what we had. anyway, my brother was at bat, or stick in this case, and he hit it. went straight and hit me in the nose. it was a total marsha brady moment.

When sliding into home, you prefer to hit it hard or glide in? i like it hard.

When you trim the grass, do you cut it down to the bare dirt, trimmed for infield, or grow it wild as outfield rough? bare dirt, so nothing gets in the way.

On your last date….did you get to first base? Got to second? Got to third? Hit the homerun? Or stayed in the dugout and not play? i think i was too tired to play. sorry.
Have you ever mooned, flashed anyone or went skinny dipping? no, yes, and yes.

(Men) T or A? (Women) You prefer muscular arms or a six pack? yes, yes, yes, and yes. i mean yes and yes.

When you or a Muhfugger "f*cks Up" out in the field, you:

A) Laugh at the person then tell the person "nice try!!"

B) Laugh at yourself, then tell yourself nice try.

C) Either A, B or C is correct.

D) Get mad, throw equipment and pout …then get pummeled by your teammates, get kicked off the team for violating team rules and then have erectile dysfunction & vaginal dryness just for acting like an A-Hole.

C. i dont want to get pummeled by my teammates. and i definitely dont want vaginal dryness.

Muhfugger Pets - Max

He's so cute!!

Pedro and Leslie picked up their doggie, Max, at the pound last week Thursday. They enjoyed their first weekend with him and absolutely loves him. If you got the time and the heart to rescue these cute animals from your local shelter, please do so. Good job Leslie and Pedro.

Perhaps if Pedro and Leslie could bring Max to the games, maybe Max and Ana's Little Ben can run around the field together.

Ceez

Looking For a Few Good Men!!

... and good women too!! The Space Dragons are looking for male paddlers to compete in Vancouver in June and Long Beach in August.

In Vancouver you will be able to see and compete against some world class dragon boat athletes from around the world. In the Long Beach tournament, you will be able to compete against some of the best west coast teams and teams from around the nation as well as international teams. teams from all over will be invading our home turf.

If you are interested, please let me know.

Ceez

Player Spotlight....Leslie Castellanos

Muhfugger (real name): Leslie Castellanos aka Carmen SanDiego!

Jersey Name (if we had ordered jerseys): I don’t have one! Make one up for me..

Hometown: Ingle-HOOD!

Birthday: December 20th

Favorite Positions (softball): Pedro knows ‘em. SHAU!

Why do you play softball? Is it ok to say I was bribed? Kidding..I just love me a Muhfugger!

Most memorable experience (softball or otherwise)? Can’t remember; please refer to next question.

Favorite drink or beverage? Jack n DIET Coke! Gotta stay trim..

What you do when not playing softball with the Muhfuggers? Doin’ the school thing.

Do you wear a cup for protection? I always wear protection.

What wood/bat do you swing? (bat type and size): I don’t think this applies to me...

Do you finish with one hand or two? (swinging style) Who swings when they finish?

What is more important to you? The size of the bat or how one uses it? BOTH!

Any injury from being struck by soft balls? Or ever been hit in the face by balls? By balls and sticks! A volleyball. and a hockey stick.

When sliding into home, you prefer to hit it hard or glide in? Huh?

When you trim the grass, do you cut it down to the bare dirt, trimmed for infield, or grow it wild as outfield rough? Gardening and landscaping questions don’t apply.

(Editor's note: Pedro!!)

On your last date….did you get to first base? Got to second? Got to third? Hit the homerun? Or stayed in the dugout and not play? On my last date, I got to Home plate and then decided to go around the field again; for kicks!

Have you ever mooned or flashed anyone or went skinny dipping? Yes, Yes and Noo..I wouldn’t want to send the wrong message.

(Men) T or A? (Women) You prefer muscular arms or a six pack? Muscular arms holding a six pack, SHAU!

When you or a Muhfugger "f*cks Up" out in the field, you:

A) Laugh at the person then tell the person "nice try!!"

B) Laugh at yourself, then tell yourself nice try.

C) Either A, B or C is correct.

D) Get mad, throw equipment and pout …then get pummeled by your teammates, get kicked off the team for violating team rules and then have erectile dysfunction or vaginal dryness just for acting like an A-Hole.

A)

Muhfuggers Win Their First!!

Friggin Muhfuggers !! Last night, the Muhfuggers won their first game of the season in a battle of the winless teams. The MF's outscored 3 Up 3 Down, 18-10 Tuesday night at Alondra Park field #2 .

"Awrite we got our win!! We don't need to win anymore!!" somebody yelled from the dugout.

The MF's came out with bats a blazing and a much more improved defense. They took it up a notch and played exceptionally well especially when Pedro's mean but pretty boss came to cheer for an inning or two.

Leslie Castellanos likes winning!!

As I walked up to the field, I noticed we had to walk past the 3Up and 3Down dugout to get to the Muhfugger dugout on the visitor's side. Deadra and I looked at their players and we thought, "these guys look like they can play!!" Their players really looked like ballplayers.

I thought we were going to get our asses handed to us again. We were without big Muhfuggers Eric E., Charlie "the Ultimate Specimen" Hammond and Paul Castellano. What was worse, we had to play with five girls and five guys!! (the normal defensive lineup consists of 6 guys and 4 girls).

I asked Pedro "Puppet" Frias if he had the defensive lineup ready for tonite. He modestly said, "I'll come up with something". That was good enough for me!! He tinkered with the defensive line up at work all day. He put aside surfing the internet, checking his stocks and playing Spider Solitaire just to mastermind the demise of 3up 3down and get the Muhfuggers out from the cellar of the B league standings.

The girls stood out tonite. For one, all the girls got on base tonite. "Little Orphan" Ana, voted the games MVP, blasted a shot into right centerfield and raced home for the homerun. Mouths were agaped at the display of power from such a tiny little girl. She may wrest Brian's power-to-weight ratio title from him if she continues to hit like that.

Ana's single...her "HIT" guys!! But she is single!!

Tammy would have had a homerun too, but the runs she hit in exceeded the 7 run limit for the inning. Tammy's child, Kieren got hurt while bicycling behind the dugout while her mommy played left field. Kieren escaped with a scratched finger and forearm and stopped crying after Deej soothed her with kindness and love and I threatened to bite her boo-boo.

Since Tammy and Ana had a homerun a piece, they have only room for one more HR. If they exceed the two HR rule, they are CUT!!

Brian could have scored a homerun with his wooden bat too, but put on the brakes at third base. He thought there was a homerun drinking rule. "Oh well, someone said it! Otherwise I would have a homerun right now!" said the disappointed first baseman.

Deadra hit like a little monster, geting on base twice. One of them was a baseline shot over third base. "I have anger issues today!!" said the big breasted catcher, who had a rough day at work. She managed to get two singles and a couple of scores today.

Aileen and Leslie got on base too. Aileen and Leslie may be the least experienced players on the team, but they got better everytime they went up! By the end of the game, they were swinging the bats with purpose!! "Pedro!! make sure she eats good tonite!!" said someone from the dugout.

Brian yelled at Aileen after she struck out, "What happened?? We went to the batting cages and you were fine!!" Aileen retorted, "Yeah I know, but now everybody's looking at me!!"

Aileen's base hit

Pitcher Leeonel Pena pitched a great game. Out of his bag of tricks, he pulled out his new weapon, a knuckle ball that confused the shit out of enemy batters. "Man that ball was doing this!!", said shortstop Pedro Frias making a curvy motion with his hand.

Jeremy Sanders was put at thirdbase last night. He did quite well and coaches may just leave him there. "I just don't know what to do at third base!!" he said with a grin. We had a good laff, because we knew he had skills and was just trying to be modest.

Jeremy's nice sized knot on his leg from playing 3rd base

Last night was outfielder and co-manager, Rico "Suave" Rivas debut. He really made a statement that he is an important cog in the machine which is known as the Muhfuggers. Rico snagged pop flys and showed great batting skills last night. Most notable was the diving catch he made in the outfield that made me cringe. He could have gotten hurt!! How the heck is he gonna paddle if he is hurt!! After that spectacular catch, the Mexican muhfuggers in the dugout forgave the El Salvadorean's boo-ing comment of Mexico's finest, Pedro Frias or Leeonel Pena.

Rico single hit

I thought it was a great game. Even though I am injury reserved, I told Deej that I am so excited about the win, that it was as if I played too. Next game, after two weeks off, is June 2nd @ 6:00pm versus Elizabeth Stephenson's and Ferdie's, Up the Middle team!! DIE UTM!!!

Hitting Tips

Want to power hit like Eric E.? Bomb the outfield like Leeonel and Paulie or show incredible power-to-weight-ratio like Brian?

Here is some batting tips from the DeMarini website:

1. What are the best exercises to increase hitting power? If you can physically do them, squats are one of the best exercises to increase hitting power. Your entire body will benefit from this powerful movement. If you can't do squats, try leg presses or weighted dips. They are great for developing power in triceps, chest, deltoids ... important muscles for hitting. Use compensatory training, i.e.: train with explosiveness! You're trying to increase your bat speed ... you need to train with explosive, fast movements rather than slow, deliberate training.

2. Accelerate the bat through the ball. You lose bat speed when the bat makes contact with the ball. The key is to accelerate as you are hitting the ball explode the bat through it!!

3. Maintain a loose grip on the bat. This will help you can gain 5 miles per hour of bat speed and 5-10 miles per hour of ball speed. Keep them hands loose cuz! Your body won't let you let go of the bat. If you have tension in your hands, it's going to cost you bat speed.

4. In slo-pitch softball, you must have a complete range of motion when you are hitting. You gotta have that bat back as far as you can get it because you want to get as much momentum going as you can. When that front foot comes down, that's your signal to go. This gives you as long a swing as possible. Don't give up the swing once you make contact - that's when you have to power it.

5. For training in the gym for strength, train 40 minutes per session at most. Concentrate on core exercises that train the major muscle groups. You can train three times a week and make sensational improvements.

6. Weight training: Here is a great general system to try that takes very little time and will work wonders for you: 2 times per week do dumbbell bench presses, 2 sets of 8. Followed by dips, 2 sets to 12. When you can do 12, add weight via a weight belt. Follow that with 2 sets of 8 military press (dumbbells, followed by 2 sets of eight dumbbell rows, next chin ups (palms up), End it with bicep curls and you're done!

7. When making contact with the ball, do not lose site of it. Keep your eyes on that little white ball and you will kill it!

8. Don't forget to get into a bad mood before a game. When you go up to bat, don't be nervous, get angry and focus all your energy on nailing that ball over the fence.

Editor's note: #8 goes against team policy, but when you are at the plate....be pissed off like a ____(fill in the blank) _____!!!

Leeonel Proud to be Mexican!!

Loco Muhfugger Leeonel Pena cranks out a single as Pancho Villa.

Player Spotlight....Ana

Muhfugger: Ana Gutierrez

Jersey Name: Trampalina

Hometown: Oxnard, Cali

Birthday: April 27th

Favorite Positions (softball): Outfield (right side is the tight side)

Why do you play softball? : To show off my non-skills.

Most memorable experience (softball or otherwise)? When I got my head slammed into a wooden post at Sully's. Didn't realize dancing was so dangerous!!

Favorite drink or beverage? Lately, I've been on a Jack & Coke binge.

What you do when not playing softball with the Muhfuggers? Drink my ass off at the Northend

Do you wear a cup for protection? Yes…C cups

What wood/bat do you swing? (bat type and size): The juiced up one. My baby yokes don't give me a lot of pop, so I need all the help I can get.

Do you finish with one hand or two? (swinging style) Two, I think.

What is more important to you? The size of the bat or how one uses it? If any girl has told you that size doesn't matter…they're lying!

Any injury from being struck by soft balls? Or ever been hit in the face by balls? No crazy injuries…just bumps and bruises.

When sliding into home, you prefer to hit it hard or glide in? I don't slide…I'm escared!

When you trim the grass, do you cut it down to the bare dirt, trimmed for infield, or grow it wild as outfield rough? I did bare dirt once…that freakin' hurt! So now I trim for the infield.

On your last date….did you get to first base? Got to second? Got to third? Hit the homerun? Or stayed in the dugout and not play? I hit a homerun. Guys are easy.

Have you ever mooned or flashed anyone or went skinny dipping? Si, no, si.

(Men) T or A? (Women) You prefer muscular arms or a six pack? I love to put my hands on both!

When you or a Muhfugger "f*cks Up" out in the field, you:A) Laugh at the person then tell the person "nice try!!"B) Laugh at yourself, then tell yourself nice try.C) Either A, B or C is correct.D) Get mad, throw equipment, pout …then get pummeled by your teammates, get kicked off the team for violating team rules and then have erectile dysfunction & vaginal dryness just for acting like an A-Hole.
Is that why I occassionally have vaginal dryness? It all makes sense now!!

MUHFUGGERS SUCK IN SEASON OPENER!!

2009 Muhfuggers

Missing: Rico Rivas, Leslie Castellanos, Precious Albright, Sarah Ahrendes

But they were okay with it. There was a lot of lessons learned in Tuesday night's 31-13 blow out loss to Mayhem. Coaches got a chance to see how different players play and how to utilize them for next week's game. More importantly, it was a chance to see if this Muhfugger team can handle a good ol' ass kicking loss. Nobody threw a fit when players struck out or when pop flys got misjudge(often). So nobody needed to be kicked off the team. They were in good spirits throughout the entire game.

Leeonel Pena Mexican baseball outfit

If anyone was to look at the Muhfugger roster, it would have shivers running up and down their spines looking at some of the talent. People from other teams have said, that this team is too good to be in the B league. However, not even all these "big gun for hire" players could stop the bleeding inflicted by their opponents.

Brian's idea to use a wooden bat during the game still was enforced. As their opponents scored multiple runs on the Muhfugger's anemic defense, others decided to forego the notion and returned to their aluminum bats. But it was still to no avail.

"They scored 7 runs again??" said Deej about Mayhem scoring the maximum 7 runs per inning for the second straight inning.

The Muhfuggers didn't necessarily come to win, they planned to have fun night. Pitcher Leeonel Pena, showed his pride for his culture and people during Cinco De Mayo, pitched in a sombrero and serape. Tammy, the blond bombshell, showed up and played in a see-thru fish net outfit top.

"Tammy!! You look like a nice lookin' hooker!!" Someone yelled from the dugout.

Pedro Frias at bat

Tuesday night had its moments. Ana's dog, Little Ben, got loose and the game was put on hold while both teams had to chase her down.

Leeonel Pena played every inning that he was in dressed in a sombrero and a serape? WTF is that shit??? Whatever. That was a great idea to start the season.

Next week's game, Aileen Aranda-Kellough, wants to do a 80's theme. Okay, does that mean players will look like Paula Abdul, Pat Benatar and the Flock of Seagulls?

Brian!! You are suppose to bring a wooden bat!! Not a wooden paddle!!

Player Spotlight....Deadra Doctolero

Deej

Deadra...Deej...Mama Poi...Aunty...she answers to many names. She has been around softball for a long time. Deadra was a Poi Pounder for years. Deej has played as a Poi Pounder even longer than Papa Poi himself. She retired from the Poi Pounders two years ago. But she returns to the dusty diamond at Alondra Park as a .....Muhfugger.

Likes: Macaroni Salad, Pad Si Yu(sp?) noodles, pizza from Rock Bottom, American Idol, love movies, fancy labeled purses.

Dislikes: Almost everything. One of Deej's famous sayings is: "I don't like that!!"

MuhFugger:
Deej Doctolero

Jersey Name:
Original: SuSu Girl

Hometown:
Waipahu, Hawaii

Birthday:
Unknown


Favorite Position(s) (Oh grow up!!):
66 (oh, mean for softball?) catcher….dream spot 2nd base (lol!) I know right?

Why do you play softball?
It was something to do 13 years ago….

Most memorable experience (softball or otherwise)?
Running to 2nd base and getting hit in the stomach with an oncoming ball….and falling past the base…..then Ceez comes running screaming “the baby!”


Favorite drink or beverage?
A strawberry shake from Carl’s Jr. except it has 770 calories….A-Boo


What do you do when not playing softball with the Muhfuggers?
Paddle, paddle, paddle, and study my east off for my degree….oh, and cuddle with Ceez


When you hit it, you go for placement or you put it anywhere?
Hell if I even hit I am happy where ever it goes…


Do you finish with one hand or two?
I dunno but I know how many hands Ceez finishes with…


Any injury from being struck by soft balls? Or ever been hit in the face by balls?
Softballs once…balls in general many a times…


When sliding, you prefer to hit it hard or glide in?
I never slide…but I always help glide it in…


When you trim the grass, do you cut it down to the bare dirt, trimmed for infield or grow it wild as outfield rough?
I’m like the mound there’s never any grass there….ever!


On your last date….did you get to first base? Got to second? Got to third? Hit the homerun? Or stayed in the dugout and not play?
I love homeruns! And then I do the “Pika-chu dance!”


Have you ever mooned or flashed anyone or went skinny dipping?
Yes!...Yes! and Yes! Good times!


(Men) T or A? (Women) You prefer muscular arms or a six pack?
I like a fatty kind of guy…who loves to eat!


When you or a Muhfugger “f*cks Up” out in the field, you:
A) Laugh at the person then tell the person “nice try!!”
B) Laugh at yourself, then tell yourself nice try.
C) Either A, B or C is correct.
D) Get mad, throw equipment, pout …then get kicked off the team for violating team rules and acting like an A-Hole.
Depending if I am PMS-ing…lol!